I ain't never heardin' of a place called Odin.”Now Mazda knew. Hillbilly. A fucking hillbilly. If there was one thing that Mazda disliked more than Greeks, it was hillbillies. He grabbed the slack-jawed yokel by the throat and lifted him off the ground, “Not a place. A who.”The man had a difficult time speaking, “Awho? Who's Awho? Is he at Odin?

I believe that my role as King of the Asgardians…”Loki was quick to interrupt, “You mean you are an Ass Guardian!”Everyone laughed.“I mean…”“Hey, Ass Guardian, what do you make of this,” Loki showed Odin his fuzzy moon.

Bullshit!” Thor shouted at the stage, causing the actor playing Estelle to look at the audience. Thor added, “Just leave. Be done with this nightmare of a play! Goddamn cowards!

They wept with joy, happy to see him alive. A smile crept across Fritz while being smothered in their affection, but all he could think about, and what he never forgot, were those mountains.

A few years later I learned that she had a kid. I did the math and came to the obvious conclusion that I was the dad. But she never tried to contact me. Instead, she told people that the birth of her son was a miracle. A virgin birth. The strangest thing is that people believed her!” God shook his head in disbelief.

Yam raised an army of sea creatures designed to march on Mount Aqraa, to destroy Baal. He created some of the craziest monstrosities every seen: lobsters rode four-legged tuna like proud cavalry, sword fish infantry marched onward in perfect step, biped whales thundered towards the mountain, while winged sharks provided air support. An elite group of electric eel assassins were armed with both their innate ability to shock in melee combat and throwing star fish for long range skirmishes.

Though he was gone, Stairway to Heaven lingered in the gentle breeze. Sartre and Freya, while holding hands, began to sway back and forth until they found themselves wrapped in each other’s arms. Starting in Gimli, everyone followed their lead. Soon, across the whole world, and like the last song at a high school homecoming in the late 70s, people slow danced with each other.

Alarmed, Odin announced, “This thing says Mazda on it!”The group took a close look at the decal on the back of the car. Thor brought his war hammer over his head, “What is it? Can I smash it?”Odin put his hand up, “No, wait. I don't think that this is a god. Look, there are others named Mazda, too. I think these are used to transport people.

Through the rainbow he was brave,Although blood, he did not crave.But Vikings, blood they should want.Heads as trophies, they should flaunt.But from behind, little Jimmy was run through,A puddle of blood grew and grew.So when Jimmy fell,My tears they did swell.And I cried.And I cried.”While there was scattered applause, most people just looked at him, confused. The poem was terrible. Heimdall knew it. The crowd knew it.

(clearing throat) I, Osiris, Egyptian God of the Dead, would like to write this formal complaint against all the gods that have repeatedly stolen my wooden penis and placed it in various locations around the building. Most recently, I had discovered my penis inside of Ishtar's ass and I'm none too happy about it. No one should have to endure the kind of humiliation that I did. I would like to see immediate disciplinary action.